November 14, 2017

A Thanksgiving Tradition of Sorts - posting 'THAT' Thanksgiving Letter - the "Marney" letter

Years ago a letter started to make its way around the social cybersphere at Thanksgiving time.  Supposedly it was a real letter received by someone from a family member named Marney who obviously had some serious control issues.  Her planning letter to family in preparation of their Thanksgiving get together was so hilariously over the top that the recipient of the said-letter posted it online.

Boy did it take off!

For a couple years it was everywhere on the net... everywhere.  It's faded a bit since then but rears its head every Thanksgiving in corners of the blogging world.  I love it because it makes me shake my head and chuckle and smirk.

One year I painstakingly found items on Amazon that would be Marney approved and listed them after the letter...  this year I've decided to repost that edition just in case anyone wanted (or seriously needed) some of those items for real.  I am not going to go through every single link (I would but I'm absolutely pressed for time and simply cannot do it right now) so some of the items might not still be available, as this list was compiled a few years ago.  However, Amazon usually will list a similar product if that is the case.

For those of you looking for the hilariously funny, over the top, control issue crazy woman "Marney" letter...  this one is for you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

From: Marney

As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.

Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders. I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.

All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.

HJB—Dinner wine

The Mike Byron Family
1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don't feel like you a have to feed an army.
2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don't care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).
3. Toppings for the ice cream.
4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.

The Bob Byron Family
1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up.
2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22).

The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family
1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors d’ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).

The Michelle Bobble Family
1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat.
2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon
3. Proscuitto pin wheel - please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.
4. A pie knife

The June Davis Family
1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed.
2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnay

The Amy Misto Family (why do I even bother she will never read this)
1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed.
2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.

Looking forward to the 28th!!


 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

While most of us have seen this Thanksgiving Letter floating around the internet on one site or another since 2009-ish, I thought I would help out poor Marney's family by providing them with some links to dishes and spoons (and pie plates) I found on Amazon that should be "Marney Approved"!    All in good fun.  :)

The Mike Byron Family
2-Quart Casserole Dish with Lid
Serving Spoon (not Soup Spoon!)
Ice Cream Toppings:  Mega Sprinkle Set

The Bob Byron Family
CorningWare  Casserole Dish with Lid
Good Grips Stainless Steel Spoon
Pancetta by Beretta (14 ounce)

The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family
Clear 2pc Appetizer Server with Ice Tray (Vegetable Platter)

The Michelle Bobble Family
 3-Quart Casserole with Cover
Del Duca Sliced Prosciutto
Stainless Steel Pie Server

The June Davis Family
Please see the links above under Mike and Bob's names for the regulation size casserole with lid- for the large plastic container to hold the 'back up' mashed potatoes, try this one; Rubbermaid Rectangle 24-Cup Food Storage Container

The Amy Misto Family
Deep Dish Stoneware Pumpkin Pie Dish
9 Inch Ceramic Pie Plate, RedPrint Friendly and PDF